Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Saturday, August 5, 2017
I'm not exactly sure when the nagging feeling began. It's been at least a few months. Big life changes were coming, and I prefer routine. Predictable. Comfort zone. I'm not opposed to change per se, as long as I know that the changes will be positive and the transitions smooth. It's human nature to feel this way I'm sure, these feeling are only amplified by the fact that I'm a mom. I had my daughter young at 20, and the overwhelming urge to provide, protect, guide, expose, assist, teach, love, etc. has been engrained into my very being.
But the world never stops spinning. Somehow 18 years have come and gone, and my duties as a mom are changing. It's time to let go so she can find her own path. I've done my best to pass along my values and a few street smarts. Letting go is sad and not having her around will be huge. I will always be a mom, But that's not what I'm uneasy about...
Every two weeks I get a paycheck. I can just about tell you how much it will be before I get it. Knowing you have $x coming every other Friday is nice. It's comfortable. Just the way I like it. However, I want to work for myself. I'm planning on making a real business out of my side hustle. My booth is always well received everywhere I go, and I really believe I can make it work. That doesn't take the fear of uncertainty away, but no risk, no reward.
Additionally, we're putting our house on the market and I'm gonna try and sell it myself. We bought our house back in 2003. When I moved to the beach I always knew one day we'd be returning home to the mountains, and this house has always been viewed through the "long-term temporary" lens.
All these things have been looming on the distant horizon, leaving me feeling as if I'm in some sort of limbo. My comfortable normal soon to be over, yet not quite the time to begin transitioning. I wanted my daughter to enjoy a stress free summer in her childhood home.
This morning the contents of her room are all organized, boxed, stacked and labelled, ready to go. The empty shells of her remaining furniture already obvious. Later today we will load everything in the car and she will leave this driveway one last time.
With her move comes the end of my limbo, the first tipped domino that gets the rest started. I'm ready to turn the page and start a new chapter. I can now focus on my own goals in a way I never have before in my adult life. Horses are a big part of those goals. Maybe I can make a real horse blog out of this page in the process!! Stay tuned :)